White People in Their Natural Habitat

July 20, 2007

Commissioned by the prestigious publication, “Exotification R US” I’m about to give you the exclusive preview on my new photo essay, an expose examining the species, annoyingnae caucasianus, more commonly known as the “white people” in their natural habitats. Normally it is considered dangerous for people of color to observe this species in their territory. In the past, such investigations have sparked events known as “white flight”, where white people migrated from urban centers to the suburbs. However, I was able to go with a small group of white people, who served as the “gatekeepers”, enabling access.

I was able to observe the white people during a special event entitled “The Oregon Country Fair”, an annual three day ritualistic celebration, where white people from all over the region, and sometimes even further, come and partake ancient cultural practices and eat traditional foods, such as tofurkey.

This is what I’m told the locals call “a drum circle”. Drum circles are widely, widely loved by the white people. People haphazardly assemble with drums and attempt to create a rhythm (often unsuccessfully). Most of the drummers do not pay much heed to the other drummers, as it is often done with musicians, and instead opt to just bang it however the hell they please. Other people then begin to flop around, jump, and gyrate in strange motions that range from jerky to fluid. These movements are not necessarily confined to the bounds of rhythm. The proper attire, as this photo hints at, are Khaki shorts, Chacos, hair done in dreadlocks, and if you’re a male of the species, then a lack of a shirt is required.

Donned in a red conical cap, and wearing woolen boots in the middle the summer demonstrates this man as the leader of the drum circle.

Here, we are fortunate to be able to capture a shot of the elusive mating rituals of the white people. Here, a white male demonstrates his virility in front of a group of females. As what is popular with those of his sex, this white man is not wearing a shirt. Clad in only a loin cloth, the white male is performing “the cracka dance”, where he gyrates and moves his hips while being enveloped by a plastic hoop. The hoop represents the fertility of the woman, which the man hopes will envelop him someday, and will eventually lead to the birth of many little crackas (what white people affectionately call each other).

In white communities, robes like these signify positions of power and leadership. In this startling ceremony, white people perform a ritual spiritually cleansing children before they are sacrificed to the god of the whites…

…the One-Eyed Blue Booby of Imperialism

The final ceremony of the three day festival is the “March of the Whiteys” where the white people cover themselves in white powder, exaggerating their whiteness to ward off predators. Wouldn’t all that whiteness scare you too?

I hoped you enjoyed this rare glimpse into the world of the white folk. Peace, love and understanding!


5 Responses to “White People in Their Natural Habitat”

  1. Francesca said

    This made me sooo happy. Hahahahahahaa.

  2. sophia said


  3. Vivian said


  4. Julie said

    lol, anh-thu. you are hilarious…

  5. Jazz said

    You win.

    That is all.

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